fear and anger

I guess you could say that fear and anger are two of my biggest vices, especially these days. I wouldn’t say that the textbook definition of “vices” applies fully to these, but they definitely affect me more than any other emotion and are the most detrimental to my psyche.

It’s absurd how much fear can hold us back. We’re all afraid of something … A lot of people are afraid of being honest, afraid of telling people how they truly feel, afraid of rejection … the list goes on and on. One of my biggest fears is telling people how I feel. It’s hard for me because I’m afraid, honestly. I’m afraid of how people will react to what I say, regardless of what it is. I’m afraid of the outcome. And it’s holding me back and keeping me from doing things that will make me the happiest.

One of my favorite lines from a John Mayer song I love is “If fear hasn’t killed me yet, then nothing will.” Preach, man. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. Fear certainly hasn’t killed me yet, so I must be all right. And if it hasn’t killed me, then you’re probably just fine. Trust me.

The thing is, most fears are irrational. You can’t spend your life being afraid to tell people how you feel, because if you never do, how will you know? How will you know that what you’re feeling is real? More importantly, how will you be able to live through your life with no regrets if you can’t push aside your fear to try something? Possibly one of my favorite quotes of all time (by Louis E. Boone) is this:

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.”

I couldn’t be a bigger proponent of these words. It’s so true. If you live your life in fear, you’re going to die with a lot of regret in your soul. Regrets are mistakes you didn’t learn from. That’s scarier than any fear you could have.

“No fear is the ultimate joy. When you have the insight of no fear, you are free.”

I’m working on being more honest with people because of this. It’s a daily struggle, but with patience and time comes virtue.

And then there’s anger. I have had so much anger for a while because of feeling mistreated by others, and it’s so tough to eliminate from your life. The thing is, anger is like poison for your soul. When you’re angry and react in an angry way to others, not only are you giving them complete power over your emotions, but also you’re giving yourself more heartache than them. That’s an awful way to live.

“If we really understood and remembered that life was impermanent, we would do everything we could to make the other person happy right there and right now. If we spend twenty-four hours being angry at our beloved, it is because we are ignorant of impermanence.”

Life is too short to spend it angry. Anger is inevitable, but learning to control it and not give the power to anyone else is necessary to live a fulfilled life.

I’ve discovered something lately that has helped me tremendously with fear and anger. Meditation. I’ve begun meditating every morning when I wake up, and I can already tell it’s changing the way I handle my emotions. It makes me calmer, it brings some serenity to my otherwise hectic life, and more importantly, it gives me a sense of clarity. It’s teaching me how to control my thoughts and turning negative emotions into positive ones. I highly recommend giving it a try; it’s completely worth it. In my opinion, we should do anything we can to help keep our minds at ease.

Just some food for thought, anyway. :)

- Kelsey