We deserve better

You know, I think one of the most important but most difficult lessons to learn throughout our lives is that we deserve more.


Now, I don't mean you need to live your life day to day with a sense of entitlement. There's a fine line between thinking you're entitled to everything and acknowledging that there are certain things in life you truly deserve.


There are lots of different facets to this idea, but the main thing I want to stress is learning that you deserve to be treated better by your peers. And not just your peers in general, but your friends, family, coworkers ... assuming you're not a complete jerk, of course.


I consider myself to be a pretty good friend to most people, especially to those I care about the most. I'm not perfect and I can't always be there for everyone, but I do all I can to be the kind of friend I want others to be for me.


Because of this, lately I've realized that I have friends who just don't treat me the way I deserve. It just kind of hit me, honestly. I deserve to be treated the same way that I treat those close to me, and while I don't believe in having expectations for the most part, I can't help but expect certain people in my life to treat me a particular way. So it's disappointing, obviously, to realize that's not so.


The main problem with trying to think this way stems from insecurity. Those of us who are highly insecure have a hard time admitting to ourselves that we should be treated better, because we don't always feel that we deserve it. At the end of the day, you have to know that you are better than you think, smarter than you know, and deserve to be treated like a human being.


Honestly, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and to be treated kindly. If everyone treated others the way they would want to be treated, the world would be a better place.





- Kelsey

Learn to say no

I have a few friends who will literally do almost anything for anyone. They'll always drop what they're doing immediately to help someone else. I think that's a great trait to have; however, it can be really damaging to your relationships.

The thing is, with any type of relationship, you have to set boundaries. And more importantly, you have to learn to say no. People will take advantage of you if you don't implement these two factors into your relationship with them.

I think it's really important to let people know that although you care about them and will willingly help them when they need it, you can't always drop what you're doing for them. You can't let someone keep creating inconveniences in your life and walk all over you. People WILL take advantage of you, whether you want to believe it or not. Even those with the best intentions, because they know that you aren't capable of saying no to them.

And also, it's worse to always say yes to someone you don't even genuinely consider a friend rather than simply saying no. You're given them a false impression of what your relationship is with them. I know it's scary to be honest with people, but you can't lead people to believe things that aren't true. 

Don't blame anyone but yourself when someone you can't say no to sucks the life out of you. You did it to yourself.

- Kelsey

The secret to confidence

I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret that I learned not too long ago about confidence.

Fake it ‘til you make it.

Yeah, we’ve all heard that before, so it’s no new discovery. But I always used to think it was a ludicrous statement; I mean, the thought that you can gain confidence by just pretending to have it? Ridiculous. How does being someone you’re not make you feel better about yourself? It sounds like a recipe for unhappiness, ultimately.

But it’s totally true. I decided to give it a shot probably my sophomore year, possibly even entering my junior year of college. I’ve been horribly insecure my whole life, ever since I was in elementary school. It got even worse in high school. I never believed I was pretty and I always felt insecure about my body and overall appearance. I also dealt with emotional insecurities to top those physical ones. As I entered college and began making new friends, I started changing on the inside as well as the outside, and I knew that I had to gain some kind of confidence to get anywhere. I knew deep down that I was a worthy person and that I deserved happiness, but it was hard to let myself be truly confident.

So one day, I decided that I was going to start pretending to be confident in myself. Even though I wasn’t completely comfortable with myself yet, I knew that I had to appear confident if I wanted to improve as a person. The thing is, confident people get treated differently. When you appear as if you are confident in your abilities as a person, others start to see you as someone they can rely on who is capable of completing any task required of you. It helps you in your professional life as well as your personal endeavors. So I acted like I felt good about myself. I spent a fair amount of time with my appearance, dressing well and making sure my hair and makeup was always done. That always makes me feel more confident anyway. I tried letting myself be more vocal about my opinions and thoughts, and I basically just started walking around like I knew I was an attractive, capable person who was completely confident in their abilities. I never acted conceited, but I would make a point to never demean myself around anyone. I desperately wanted to give off the appearance that I was confident.

And you know what? People started treating me differently. I’ll never forget one day I was talking to a good friend of mine, trying to encourage her to feel better about herself because she was in the process of losing weight and had done amazing so far, and she said, “You’re so confident … I just don’t know how you do it.” Another friend of mine told me I was one of the most confident and fierce people that he knows. I had never been told things like that before, and it absolutely blew my mind. Here I was, the most insecure girl in the world a few years ago, and now someone’s telling me they wish they had my confidence.

Little do they know that I was faking it the whole time.

But here’s the funny thing – once I started faking confidence, people treated me differently. And once I got treated differently, I actually gained some REAL confidence. Who would have thought?

I’m not done with my journey to being 100% comfortable with myself, but I can tell you that I have come a long way. When I was in high school, I would try to cover all my “flaws” instead of embracing them – I’d get spray tans to cover my horribly pasty skin, I’d dye or highlight my hair when I felt insecure about being a redhead, and I’d constantly wear a full face of makeup to cover my acne-covered skin. And I’d also never speak up about my thoughts because I didn’t think they were worth hearing. I was afraid of what people would think about me.

 I haven’t gotten a spray tan in a year or two and I don’t really plan on doing it again anytime soon. Sometimes I go out without any makeup on, and I think my hair is my best physical attribute. And you know, even though my body isn’t perfect, I will walk proudly to the pool in my swimsuit because at the end of the day, I care more about having fun than worrying about what I look like all the time. (That’s not to say I don’t care, because I most definitely do … sometimes too much, I will admit). And now my friends know me as the one who speaks her mind, is opinionated, and more importantly, the one who doesn’t care what people think about her.

It still really blows my mind to think about these changes I’ve made, all thanks to faking my confidence. It’s really helped me improve as a person, because whenever I start to feel down about myself, I’m reminded of how different I used to be and how much better I am now. I’m proud of the changes I’ve been able to make in my life.

Who would have thought that faking it would have eliminated some of the prior fake-ness in my life?

- Kelsey

Regrets and wasted time

It’s always been difficult for me to stop thinking about the past. My memories are the most valuable thing I have; therefore, I spend a lot of time reflecting. I feel like this is beneficial and a burden all at once.

Lately I’ve been struggling with looking back on certain past times and feeling as if I wasted my time, especially with situations that ending up making me unhappy in the end.  But I realized this the other day: When you finally get to a happy place in your life, don’t look back on the past with regret, feeling like you’ve wasted time. You needed that experience to get where you are now.

All of our past experiences have had a role in shaping us into who we are today. I would not be in this state of mind if I didn’t have those past experiences. It’s really hard to not look back on worse times and think, “Wow … I really wasted a lot of time letting myself be unhappy. I could have easily avoided all that heartache.” But it’s so unhealthy to look at it that way, in my opinion.

If you’re struggling with feeling this way, think about what you learned from that experience. You would have never learned those lessons if you didn’t go through it. It was meant to happen, and now that you’ve gone through it you can give yourself the happiness you deserve. You HAVE to be thankful for what you’ve gone through, even if it sucked.

I’m glad that I’ve realized this lately, because it’s been a struggle of mine for a very long time. I’ve never been one to regret much, but lately I’ve been wishing I could go back and change things that I did or said. But I can’t let myself think that way anymore. And at the end of the day, you can’t go back no matter how bad you want to. All you can do is learn from it and appreciate that you can acknowledge the fact that you’re working to better yourself because of it. You’re more capable than you realize.

- Kelsey

Stand up for what you believe in

I have one thought for this entry that I want to get across.

Never be ashamed of who you are and what you stand for. 

As I was walking out to my car the other day, I glanced at my libertarian and Ron Paul bumper stickers and thought to myself, “God, these conservative republicans in Alabama probably think I’m nuts.” And I have no doubt in my mind that it’s true. But I have no reason to hide my opinions, even if mine are a part of the minority in this state. I shouldn’t worry about what people think. If it bothers them, it’s not my problem. It’s not even theirs. But this isn’t even the main thing that’s been bugging me lately.

I’m a very active advocate of gay rights and equal rights across the board. The majority of my best friends are gay and I’ve always been in favor of gay rights for as long as I can remember. Because of this, people often assume that I’m gay; even those closest to me. Some have even insinuated that men won’t show an interest in me because they’ll assume I’m gay. (I could rant for hours about this point alone.)

What people think of me doesn’t bother me and hasn’t for some time now, but it bothers me that because of what I stand for and what I believe in, it MUST mean that it’s true for me. And I know a lot of others who deal with this a lot as well. Why can’t people stand up for their beliefs without having certain things assumed about them? Avid Christians are often misconstrued as bigoted, hypocritical, and bible thumping, simply because they openly voice their beliefs. Atheists are assumed to be heartless fiends with no morals. The same can be said for nearly anyone advocating any sort of belief, non-belief, or action.

What I’m trying to say is, I refuse to hide my beliefs and opinions to please anyone else. I won’t hide my opinions to help someone else sleep better at night. If I’m passionate about something and I want to share it and help the cause, then I will. If anyone assumes something about me without true knowledge, then that’s his or her problem. I think it’s so important to stand up for what you believe in, regardless of what others may think. It’s especially hard in this part of the United States …. The South is full of judgmental people. All we can do is keep living our lives openly and freely.

- Kelsey

Thoughts about the future

I have most definitely loved my internship at the local newspaper so far this summer. It’s been a great experience and I learn new things every day. I’d say the most important thing I’ve learned, though, is this:

I really have no desire to work at a local newspaper for the rest of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great and it’s not terribly hectic, which I enjoy. And covering news for a small town isn't too strenuous. But I want something more; covering vacation bible schools and interviewing elementary school board members just isn’t my cup of tea. I want to do something big with my writing one day. If I could write for a magazine in a big city, that would be the ticket I think. I just know that I could never sit in an office of a small town newspaper as a permanent career.

I have this dream of running around the streets of New York, interviewing hot-shot businessmen and women, prominent members of society, and possibly even doing some investigative reporting. I’d also love to interview musicians and celebrities. Most importantly, I just want to do something that makes an impact. Something that gets the attention of people all over the world, not just small town residents. I really appreciate small town reporters, because even though it’s not glamorous, easy, or fun, they make it seem effortless and most that I’ve met do their jobs very well. Especially the people I’m working with right now. I’m just thankful I have this chance to experience SOME sort of reporting. But it’s made me seriously think about what I could see myself doing in the future, which is scary and exciting all at once.

- Kelsey

Why bad things happen

I had a thought last night as I was attempting to go to sleep (I tried going to bed early, but failed miserably yet again. I should really stop complaining about not getting enough sleep – it’s my own fault!) and I wanted to share it.

As I said in my previous post, I believe that everything that happens to you was meant to happen. No matter what decisions you make in your life, whatever comes out of it was meant to happen to you. I can’t really explain it, but I believe it wholeheartedly. Now, acknowledging that the things that have happened to you in your life were for a reason is the easy part. What’s more difficult is figuring out why these things happened. There’s a reason for everything. I always think about a lyric from one of my favorite songs when I think about this: “I want a reason for the way things have to be.” I think taking the time to reflect and figure out why you experienced certain situations is so important, especially if you’re at an unhappy stage in your life. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to let yourself feel down and question why things have happened to you.

When I deal with bad situations and need to learn why it happened, the number one thing I ask myself is, “What did I learn about myself from this experience?” You can also ask yourself what you learned about someone else, if it involves another person. It depends on what you’re going through, really.

I don’t think you come out of a bad situation fully until you understand why it happened and what positives came out of it. And trust me, there is a positive from EVERY situation, regardless of how bad it is. I can speak from experience, because I’ve learned a lot of things about life and myself through terrible experiences. Even in the most devastating circumstances, I have figured out what good came from it. It can take a long time, but it’s necessary. Everybody deals with this at some point; it’s how you deal with it that affects the outcome. And it’s completely possible to come out on top with every negative situation.

- Kelsey 

Positivity and changes

I've been having epiphanies all over the place lately, so it's kind of difficult to even determine where to start. But there are definitely two points I want to make right now with this post.

 1. Positivity is KEY in creating a happy life for yourself, which you are in complete control of. (Who would have thought?)
 2. Change is good, and you've got to learn to accept it in order to transition through the stages of your life smoothly.

 I think one of the biggest things that can affect your positivity is the people you choose to surround yourself with. If there’s anything I’ve learned recently, it’s that the people you choose to spend your time with makes a huge impact on your happiness. I’m gonna paraphrase one of my favorite quotes: “Don’t waste time with people who suck the life out of you.” Find people who lift you up and make you want to be a better version of yourself. Lately I’ve made some new friends that bring out the positivity in me; they push me and help me do the best that I can. And if you have a hard time finding people like that in your life, be that person for someone else. Inspire somebody. Tell someone that they are going to do amazing things with their life, and that they are capable of anything they put their minds to. I’ve found that when you put good energy out into the universe, you tend to get it back. Actually, you always get it back, in my opinion. But that’s just what I’ve experienced. Another thing I’ve figured out that I wish more people would realize is this: You are in COMPLETE control of your life and your happiness. Bored with your life? Do something about it. What are you waiting for? Waiting around for something interesting to happen just wastes time that could be spent doing something amazing. Know that you are capable of achieving whatever you are passionate about. I know that I’m happiest when I’m free, independent, and most importantly, when I’m writing. So what am I doing with my life? I’m doing what I want. And I’m throwing myself into all kinds of new writing projects that make me really excited about life. No one made me do it; I made that decision for myself. Don’t be afraid to take control of your life. If something’s not working, change it.

 And on that note …. Change. For some people, change is a horribly terrifying thing. Unfortunately for those people, it’s inevitable. But you know what? Change is an amazing thing. I kind of see change as a wake-up call, in a way. It’s like the universe’s way of telling you that you’ve gotten too comfortable and you’ve gotten into a place that you’re afraid to get out of deep down. I believe that things change because they were meant to. And it should be welcomed. You’re never going to get the chance to experience new things and make positive changes in your life if you’re afraid to change. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to change as a person, but at certain points in your life you WILL change as a person, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. And when you start going through internal changes, your external situations with often change with it. You’ll start realizing that the way you’ve been living your life isn’t working, and you need to make little changes. Don’t be afraid to let yourself make those changes in your life. And if it doesn’t work, then change it again! The world is constantly evolving, and so are we as human beings.


 - Kelsey

My New Blog

Welcome to my new blog! I was inspired to start this blog recently; as I was writing (or should I say, typing) at my computer; taking notes of some thoughts I was having, I realized that I have a lot to say. I've been writing my thoughts down almost daily for roughly three years now, and I wanted a place to share them. I don't plan on sharing intimate details of my life, but I want to share some of my thoughts and things that I have learned about life and everything in general. This is mostly for myself, but maybe it will be of use to someone else as well. - Kelsey