The secret to confidence

I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret that I learned not too long ago about confidence.

Fake it ‘til you make it.

Yeah, we’ve all heard that before, so it’s no new discovery. But I always used to think it was a ludicrous statement; I mean, the thought that you can gain confidence by just pretending to have it? Ridiculous. How does being someone you’re not make you feel better about yourself? It sounds like a recipe for unhappiness, ultimately.

But it’s totally true. I decided to give it a shot probably my sophomore year, possibly even entering my junior year of college. I’ve been horribly insecure my whole life, ever since I was in elementary school. It got even worse in high school. I never believed I was pretty and I always felt insecure about my body and overall appearance. I also dealt with emotional insecurities to top those physical ones. As I entered college and began making new friends, I started changing on the inside as well as the outside, and I knew that I had to gain some kind of confidence to get anywhere. I knew deep down that I was a worthy person and that I deserved happiness, but it was hard to let myself be truly confident.

So one day, I decided that I was going to start pretending to be confident in myself. Even though I wasn’t completely comfortable with myself yet, I knew that I had to appear confident if I wanted to improve as a person. The thing is, confident people get treated differently. When you appear as if you are confident in your abilities as a person, others start to see you as someone they can rely on who is capable of completing any task required of you. It helps you in your professional life as well as your personal endeavors. So I acted like I felt good about myself. I spent a fair amount of time with my appearance, dressing well and making sure my hair and makeup was always done. That always makes me feel more confident anyway. I tried letting myself be more vocal about my opinions and thoughts, and I basically just started walking around like I knew I was an attractive, capable person who was completely confident in their abilities. I never acted conceited, but I would make a point to never demean myself around anyone. I desperately wanted to give off the appearance that I was confident.

And you know what? People started treating me differently. I’ll never forget one day I was talking to a good friend of mine, trying to encourage her to feel better about herself because she was in the process of losing weight and had done amazing so far, and she said, “You’re so confident … I just don’t know how you do it.” Another friend of mine told me I was one of the most confident and fierce people that he knows. I had never been told things like that before, and it absolutely blew my mind. Here I was, the most insecure girl in the world a few years ago, and now someone’s telling me they wish they had my confidence.

Little do they know that I was faking it the whole time.

But here’s the funny thing – once I started faking confidence, people treated me differently. And once I got treated differently, I actually gained some REAL confidence. Who would have thought?

I’m not done with my journey to being 100% comfortable with myself, but I can tell you that I have come a long way. When I was in high school, I would try to cover all my “flaws” instead of embracing them – I’d get spray tans to cover my horribly pasty skin, I’d dye or highlight my hair when I felt insecure about being a redhead, and I’d constantly wear a full face of makeup to cover my acne-covered skin. And I’d also never speak up about my thoughts because I didn’t think they were worth hearing. I was afraid of what people would think about me.

 I haven’t gotten a spray tan in a year or two and I don’t really plan on doing it again anytime soon. Sometimes I go out without any makeup on, and I think my hair is my best physical attribute. And you know, even though my body isn’t perfect, I will walk proudly to the pool in my swimsuit because at the end of the day, I care more about having fun than worrying about what I look like all the time. (That’s not to say I don’t care, because I most definitely do … sometimes too much, I will admit). And now my friends know me as the one who speaks her mind, is opinionated, and more importantly, the one who doesn’t care what people think about her.

It still really blows my mind to think about these changes I’ve made, all thanks to faking my confidence. It’s really helped me improve as a person, because whenever I start to feel down about myself, I’m reminded of how different I used to be and how much better I am now. I’m proud of the changes I’ve been able to make in my life.

Who would have thought that faking it would have eliminated some of the prior fake-ness in my life?

- Kelsey